Jasper's arrival and departure

Where do I begin.....July 4th I knew Jasper had not been moving near as much as he was just a couple of days ago. On Thursday he did not move at all. I came home from work and told Jim that if i did not feel him move throughout the night we would need to call Dr. Boyd first thing in the morning. So after a sleepless night of drinking juice and trying to get a response from Jasper we decided to call Dr. Boyd ASAP. I forgot that Dr. Boyd was off for a few days because of the 4th of July so I left a message on her answering service who informed me that she was not on call but would have the on call doctor call ASAP. Well low and behold Dr. Boyd called herself. She had told her answering service that if I should call for any reason that they were to call her immediately. So I got a quick call back from Dr. Boyd who told me her office was closed and to go to Dr. Albert our specialist or L&D and then to have the hospital or Albert call her back and let her know what was going on. So I called Dr. Albert and he of course welcomed us right away. We went into his office and he did a sono and immediately we saw Jasper had a heart beat which gave me comfort that he was still holding on. During the sono Jasper did not move at all and Dr. Albert did several test on his heart beat. He could not get response from him either. He thought Jasper was not going to make it thru the weekend and that we have come all this way that if we wanted to spend anytime with him that we needed to go ahead and deliver. The fetal hydrops had literally taken over his little body in the last couple of weeks...not to mention I was full of amniotic fluid. Jim and I wanted to hold and comfort him as he departed from this world so off to Labor and Delivery we went which was around 10am. So we began to call all the family and made arrangements for the kids to be picked up from school and brought to the hospital. We also called our good friend Jeannie who was going to take pics for us in the delivery room. Everything worked out just as it should. The earliest we could get in for a csection was 3 o clock which worked out perfectly in getting all our family to Plano for the delivery. It just gave us a little time to think and to prepare everyone. Once Jim knew I was in great hands with the staff at the hospital he headed home to grab clothes and let the kids know that later a family friend would be picking them up and bringing them to the hospital for Jasper's delivery. So while Jim was away I got prepped for the upcoming surgery. I was actually fairly calm at this point...I just knew in my heart that everything would work out the way it should and God would take care of us as he had up until this point. Around 2 everyone in our family started arriving. They gave us a huge suite so all our family could wait comfortably. Once everyone got there Dr. Boyd came in to chat with us for a bit. Then the chaplain came in and we had a family prayer. Around 3:20 pm I then had to make the long walk to the OR with my nurse to get further prepped while Jim and Jeannie got suited up for the delivery. I held it together pretty well until I had to make that long walk....the walk I have thought about for MONTHS....it was here right in front of me. No going back just one foot in front of the other...which I have practiced over and over as we have walked this journey with Jasper. I was nervous and scared and started to throw up. My nerves were rattled and when you don't have any more options you tend to panic a little bit. I had to get an epidural which seemed a breeze compared to what we were about to go thru. I just kept praying and praying that God would guide us thru this moment and give us a few minutes with Jasper. Once they got me prepped I was joined by Jim. Both of us held it together the best we could...we wanted to be brave for our little guy who we have so desperately wanted to meet. Finally the time had come when they pulled Jasper out he was startled but never cried. The doctors gave him to the nurse who quickly checked for a heart beat which she shook her head there was none. She quickly wrapped him in a blanket and handed him to Jim who brought him to me. We held him together...and he flinched. So we told the nurse and she ran over and he had a faint heart beat. I think he just needed to hear our voices and feel our touch like we needed to feel him. He then stayed with us for about 15 min. He was so sweet, tough, and a fighter. We just talked to him and told him everything was going to be fine and how brave he was to make this journey to us. We kissed and held him until he passed. He was beautiful and had a beautiful soul that we will never forget. Jim then took Jasper to meet the rest of our waiting family. It was difficult for Jim to walk into the room and tell everyone that Jasper had flown away to be with God...but he did. He was soooo brave and gentle. I joined everyone a few minutes later. The kids adored him and inspected every inch of his little body. Everyone was very calm and it was just very peaceful. Then we kicked everyone out so Jim and I could spend some time with him by ourselves. The hardest part was having to let them come and get Jasper and take him to the morgue. That was when we somewhat lost it. You know in your mind that it is just his body but it is also your child and you want to be with him at all times. It is hard to make that leap when his body is so tangible right in front of you and his soul is so intangible in many ways. So Jim waited with him while they came up to get him and they took me to my hospital room. I honestly did not think I could watch them take him away. I knew in my heart that I would want more time with him and any time I had on this earth would never be enough. The whole experience was the most spiritual, beautiful, saddest moment I have ever witnessed. Everything happened just as it should. We have a heartache that will not stop hurting and we will learn to live with it. God will take care of us as he has. It was pretty hard at the hospital and watching my body do all the things it was supposed to after having a baby...just no baby. it was hard to wrap my mind around what all had happened and how fast it happened. I had a wonderful staff at the hospital and I will write about that soon. Once I get the pictures uploaded from his service I will post those as well. Until then Jim and I made a slideshow we showed at Jasper's service. We sat up the Monday before his service and put it together from the pictures Jeannie took. We are doing ok....just trying to cope with an emptiness that will never be filled. I guess we will learn to live with it. I dont think one day will ever go by where I dont imagine what he would be doing, be like, or look like.  My sweet Jasper. 

Jasper's arrangements

First I want to thank everyone for all the love, prayers, and support throughout our journey to meet Jasper.  We have decided to have a private service to celebrate Jasper's life with just our immediate family.  I am still healing from a csection and believe I am too weak to have a full service.  Please know that we are well aware of how much everyone loves and cares for our family and you have proven that with every prayer and encouraging words you have given us.  So thank you from the bottom of our hearts.   I know we have a difficult road ahead of us so please keep praying for our family!!! As soon as I get on my feet I will make sure I fill you in on the delivery and funeral!!

Below are some pics from the  delivery

With love
Jim, Sabrina, Chayse, and Jude

Jasper Wyatt Driskell

Jasper Wyatt Driskell Born 07/06/2012 3:46pm 6lbs 16 inches long Expired 07/06/2012. 4:06pm Thanks for all the love, prayers, and support. We are all holding up ok!! I will post pics and give more details on our little guys arrival and departure later

Family Pics

Our sweet neighbor who is a photographer took us out and took some pictures of the family and my growing belly.  She and her sweet family have been an inspiration to us thru this whole journey.  They have been a mentor to Jim and me.  They have always made themselves available night or day to us when we just need to chat or need a welcomed distraction.  So thank you Jeannie…the pictures will be treasured forever and ever.  She is also going to accompany us in the delivery to capture pictures of Jasper if it works out ok.  Trying to get all the Driskell’s looking in the same direction at the same time had to be a challenge that I am not sure I would have been up for…lol  When we started out she took us to a tire shop and right beside the tire shop was a huge drainage ditch that was filled with water and mud.  Jim says sewage but I choose to believe water and mud and you will see why in a second.  So the first thing Jude does is run and stand on top of the silver drainage pipe staring eagerly down at the new adventure that awaits him.  We all yell to get back and he assures us that there is something down there he needs to get….so as I scowl at him and put on my serious face to tell him to “NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT” he slowly backs away from the ditch.  Might I add he is wearing a solid white tank top (which I bought a 6 pack of and brought the other 5 with us…just in case).  So we take a couple of shots and he is just itching to go back to that drainage ditch and ask Jeannie if we were done.  I explained that we have not really started yet.  So I get an AWHHH Man!!  So Jeannie comes over to pose Jim and I for a photo and for some reason I look over at that drainage ditch or maybe Chayse yelled “Look at Jude”  regardless we look over (Jude has been out of my reach for a matter of seconds…but he is quick) and Jude has jumped in the ditch and mud has engulfed his blue converse tennis shoes.  He is frozen and looking up at all of us because I believe he was not expecting to sink so fast into the gray mud.  So we all yell to him “DO NOT MOVE” while Jeannie snaps pictures of him in the mud.  Jeannie has 3 boys…and her youngest is a lot like Jude so of course she gets a huge kick out of this.  So after Jim fishes him out of the ditch trying to not get any mud on his jeans and tank, we all kick our shoes off for shoeless pictures…for the rest of the shoot.  After the tire shop she took us to the most beautiful sunflower field.  I have honestly never seen anything more beautiful.  The kids had a great time running as far as they could run. 

Thanks Jeannie!!!  We love you and your sweet family!!

http://www.jeannienaumannphotography.com/

32 wks and better news

We met with Dr. Albert our specialist this morning and to me we got some encouraging news this time.  I had mentioned before that we were really concerned about all the extra amniotic fluid I was taking on.  It carries some risk to mine and Jasper's health.  Dr. Albert assured us that I am still at the moderate range.  He said he has seen women that have carried more.  He said it looks like my uterus and placenta are doing great and that my body is handling the stress of the extra fluid really well.  So to us that is GREAT news.  We will still monitor it as we go forward and if it gets out of control we can always drain a couple of liters off but he would rather not do this…but can.  He also is hoping it will taper off here in the next few weeks.  Now an update on our little guy…...  His head is now 10 wks behind…still has the same fluid around his head, heart, and lungs.  I had mentioned in a previous post that at the last appointment Dr. Albert was really concerned with the difficulty of the delivery because Jasper was starting to carry fluid under his skin….well good news is that most of that fluid is gone and is very mild.  So that is better news.  The best news is that he thinks Jasper will have a live birth and we will get to spend a few minutes or hours with him….so we are ecstatic about this.  No one thought he would make it this far and we would deliver a stillbirth.  So to think we may actually get to spend some time with him is wonderful.  To put the icing on the cake he also thinks since Jasper will not be as swollen that he will look pretty normal in his face and body (he will still have a really small crown) but other than that look like a "normal baby".  So now we are hoping Chayse and Jude will get to meet their little brother as well.  So we are hopeful and we know that things change really quickly but all we can go by is today and right now…and that is how we will carry this news.  This is great and a blessing from God.  So we are happy campers this weekend!!!   He is still moving and kicking and acting like any other sweet little baby!!  He is a fighter and so are we!! J  So keep up the prayers….and thanks to everyone for embarking on this journey with us. 

Next step

Dr. Boyd (OBGYN) June 28^th

Dr. Albert (specialist) July 19^th

Delivery Aug 13^th

31 wks

Not much has changed since my last update.  I started seeing my OB every two wks so we had an appointment last Thursday.  Jasper’s heart rate was steady at 146…I was glad to see it was up a little.  It had been running in the 120’s.  I can only believe that it is still beating because of the grace of God.  If you saw all the fluid surrounding it and his lungs…you would be amazed as well.  That is a miracle to me in itself.  He’s a little fighter.  I don’t think the doctors thought he would make it this long but they too will say that there is always another factor GOD.  His movements are strong and often so it is a nice comfort to me as we are getting closer to the date of his arrival.  I am getting really anxious and emotional.  I think as time wines down I will become an emotional mess.  I am still gaining a ton of amniotic fluid.  I was 30 calendar wks last week but measuring 36 wks.  I am gaining a month in measurement every 2 calendar wks.  At this rate I will be measuring 54 wks prego at our Csection date of Aug 13^th.  My OB said there is not a lot she can do about the fluid…but at this point I am feeling really good.  My blood pressure is great and I feel really well.  I did not ask a ton of questions about all the extra fluid because it kind of depressed me and I really did not want to hear the answer at that point.  Plus Jim was not with me at the appointment and he is usually the question asker. Lol   Sometimes I think ignorance is bliss.  I was having an emotional week and I really did not want to deal with anything else or think about all that amniotic fluid.  So when we go to our specialist this Friday we will dive a little deeper into risk and complications.  We had a great father’s day.  We traveled to Austin and stayed the weekend at Barton Springs Resort for father’s day.  Jim passed his CPA exam so he had his swearing in ceremony on Saturday morning.  The weather was wonderful and the kids really enjoyed hanging with their cousins and grandparents.  Please continue to pray for Jasper’s health and that the amniotic fluid I am carrying will taper off.  Thanks again for all the love, prayers, and support!!!! 

Next step

Friday June 22 Dr. Albert (specialist)

Thursday June 28th Dr. Boyd (OBGYN)

Monday August 13th (delivery)

Continued prayers

29th wk update

So last week we saw our specialist Dr. Albert on Tuesday and our OB Dr. Boyd on Thursday.  Not too much has changed with Jasper.  His head is now measuring 7 wks behind, he is starting to take on more fluid under his skin, and we can confirm that he has a hole in his left ventricle.  Dr. Albert warned us that with Jasper’s condition it would be a difficult delivery even with a c-section.  He explained to us that with Jasper having fetal hydrops his skin would be bloated and hard as a rock (kind of like my stomach is while I am pregnant).  He said that most babies would bend and move and be flexible but Jasper will be tight and nonflexible.  He also explained that I am now carrying too much amniotic fluid which goes hand and hand with a chromosome abnormality and fetal hydrops.  I was 28 wks last week and when we went to Dr. Boyd she measured me and I am measuring 32 weeks.  So in a month I went from measuring 24wks to 32wks.  Now the plan is to keep close tabs on Jaspers weight (bc he can triple his body weight with fluid and the larger he gets the more risky and difficult the delivery will be).  We are also monitoring my amniotic fluid/growth because if I keep growing at this rate it will cause more risk to my health and puts stress on my uterus and can cause complications with the preterm labor and the delivery.  We are still in good shape as of now but as we get farther along we will kind of play it by ear on when we should deliver.  The family seems to be doing well.  We are in pretty good spirits and taking everything in stride.  Chayse and Jude are doing great.  We finished up school and just about to wrap up our spring sports.  Chayse’s softball team went undefeated 10-0 this season.  They are now in the post season tournament.  Jude had a blast with tball and ready to play in the fall. I do have a funny story to tell.  Jude was getting picked on a little bit at school by an older child and I told Chayse that she needed to take up for her brother…and she looked at me and said…I am not about to ruin my clean record.  This comment coming from a 7 year old in summer care.  She explained that she had a pink dot which was the highest dot you could attain.  I explained to her that she was not trying to get into Harvard just yet and she could stand to take a little slide on her perfect record to help her brother out.  Jude is our little firecracker and his record stays a little tarnished…lol  Jim and I had a flash forward to when they both attend college and Jude possibly ends up in the slammer one night (God help us) and Chayse refusing to go down to bail him out because of it tarnishing her record.  Stinker!!

We are now waiting on God to reveal his plan for Jasper and our family.  Patience is not one of mine or Jim’s strong points which I have mentioned before.  We both understand that we are not in charge in this situation and honestly I am kind of glad we are not.  We made funeral arrangements for Jasper over memorial weekend and found a place to lay him to rest.  We also picked out a headstone but still trying to figure out what to put on it.  We have gotten several beautiful gifts with Jaspers name monogrammed on them and they always make me weep so I cant imagine what we will do when we see it in stone.  Jim and I are from the same small town and the funeral home owners are great family friends that we have grown up with all our lives….so if you could call making arrangements for your child’s funeral easy…they made it easy on us.  Everything went really well.  We are so blessed to be surrounded by such wonderful folks.  Thanks for the prayers and uplifting messages.  I think we are doing quite well considering our circumstances and I know that has to be because we have such a great loving support system. 

So for now we are just waiting not very patiently but waiting!!

Next Step

Dr. Boyd Thursday June 14^th

Dr. Albert Friday June 22^nd

Get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other and breathe in and out.